Alan Weiss, one of my mentors, has a monthly e-mail newsletter he calls “Balancing Act,” that is about achieving balance between your business life and personal life. (Past copies are archived on his web site.)

In the April issue, Alan poses the following question to his subscribers, and this question was the catalyst for this week’s Honest Selling Tip:

Q: “Your boss tells you that an important contract absolutely demands your attention and you have to fly to another city tonight for at least two days. Your plane tickets are already purchased. You were due to have dinner with your spouse at a special restaurant, and tomorrow is your kids’ open house at school. You’ve worked at your company for ten years and will probably be up for a promotion in six months. What do you do?”

Here’s the answer I sent to Alan:

A: The best way to handle disruptions is to manage expectations before disruptions occur. If I’ve been working there for 10 years, then my boss already knows that I don’t cancel critical family functions for any business reason, because family comes first. And, if I’ve been married long enough to have kids in school, then my wife and kids know this as well. But, they also know that my attendance at noncritical family functions will sometimes be unavoidably disrupted for business reasons, but that I’ll always make it up to them tenfold when this occurs.

So, I’d explain the family commitments to my boss and then see if the business commitment could be met without the travel component, as in using teleconferencing, videoconferencing or whatever. (The expense of the already-purchased tickets is irrelevant.) If not, I’d see if someone else (like my boss) could make the trip in my place. If no work-based solution could be found, I’d call my wife, explain the situation and ask her if the family commitment was critical enough to tell my boss “No.”

Then I’d do whatever my wife and I decide, because even if the worst case occurred, bosses and jobs come and go, but I’ll be married to her forever. Who knows, maybe my wife would want to cancel dinner, and my kids would rather skip the school function, as long as they got a family trip to my client’s city.

My point is this. When you build relationships based on mutual trust and respect (meaning with prospects, clients, colleagues and family members), you create an environment where disruptions can be resolved quickly and easily by being honest with those involved and asking for their help and advice.

Of course, you will still sometimes be faced with the inevitable disruption that involves people with whom you have not yet built these relationships. So how do you handle those situations?

About eight years ago, I was working as a computer programmer at a consulting firm, and was participating in a two-hour executive meeting at my primary client. The meeting started at 3 p.m., and at 4:30 I was to give a 30-minute overview of my project to the senior executives, so they could make decisions for a Monday-morning meeting with the board of directors. However, I was 60 minutes from home, it was a Friday afternoon, and my wife and I were scheduled to leave for a weekend vacation at 6. So, if I didn’t walk out of that meeting at 5 p.m., my family plans were in serious trouble.

At 4:30 the previous topic was still raging, so I quietly reminded the executive with whom I was working, “I need the full 30 minutes for my presentation, and Cindy is waiting for me. I have to walk out the door at 5 p.m.” He whispered, “Okay,” and let the meeting continue.

At 10 minutes to 5, the CEO finally said, “The next item on the agenda is Gill’s update on the system conversion,” and looked my way. (I did not yet have a solid prior relationship with the CEO.)

I said, “I hate to do this, but, as you know, I need a full 30 minutes to explain everything you need for your board meeting. However, I have a wife waiting for me at home, because we’re headed out of town tonight at 6, and it takes me an hour to get home. So, I have to leave in exactly 10 minutes, which means we don’t have time to go over this today.”

While I was taking a breath, the CEO said, “We need this information for our board meeting on Monday. If you need a minute to let your wife know you’ll be late, we can take a short break.”

So I replied, “You don’t understand. Staying past 5 isn’t an option for me, because I’ve made a promise to my wife that I’m not willing to break. However, I’ll be back in town on Sunday at about 4 p.m. I’d be glad to come directly here then, or to meet you here as early on Monday as you like, so we can go over this and prepare you for your board meeting. What do you want to do?”

There were about eight high-ranking executives in this room, and you never heard such dead silence. The CEO was staring at me, and the executive with whom I was working was almost white.

After what seemed like an eternity, the CEO said, “Is there anyone who can’t be here at 6 on Monday morning, so Gill can go over the project with us before the board meeting?”

Everyone silently shook his head, so the CEO said, “Then I suggest we take Gill’s lead and all get home to our families. I’ll see you on Monday.”

Sticking to your values, ethics and principles is not a situational decision – it’s automatic. However, sticking to them doesn’t mean you can’t still consider the problems of those around you, and offer alternative solutions.

Whenever you’re faced with a decision that challenges your principles, be it with a client, prospect, colleague or family member, instead of agonizing over whether to stick to your principles, spend your time finding a way to stick to them while still solving the problem you face.

The relationships you’ll create will last you a lifetime.

Have a great week!

Gill